Momento Monty Python - 4

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Arthur: Old woman.
Man: (turning around) Man.
Arthur: Man, sorry... what knight lives in that castle over there?
Man: I'm thirty-seven.
Arthur: (surprised) What?
Man: I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old.
Arthur: Well, I can't just call you "man".
Man: You could say "Dennis".
Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Man: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from the behind you looked...
Man: Well I object to your... you automatically treat me like an inferior.
Arthur: Well, I "am" king.
Man: Oh, king, eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By 'angin' out to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress...
Woman: Dennis. There's some lovely filth down 'ere. (noticing Arthur) Oh, 'ow'd'ja do?
Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, king of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
Arthur: King of the Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons and I am your king.
Woman: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were autonomous collective.
Man: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes...
Woman: There you go, bringing class into it again.
Man: That's what it's all about. If only people would...
Arthur: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. WHO lives in that castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your Lord?
Woman: We don't have a Lord.
Arthur: (surprised) What?
Man: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune! We're taking turns to act as a sort of executive-officer-for-the-week.
Arthur: (uninterested) Yes...
Man: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...
Arthur: (disturbed) Yes, I see...
Man: ... by a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs...
Arthur: (mad) Be quiet.
Man: ... by a two-thirds majority, in the case of more major...
Arthur: BE QUIET! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: "Order", eh? Who does he think he is?
Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you.
Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well, how did you become king then?
Arthur: (holy music) The Lady of the Lake (her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite) held aloft Excalibur from the bottom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Man: Listen: strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some... aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: BE QUIET!
Man: You can't expect to have supreme executive power juste 'cause some watery tart threw a sword on you.
Arthur: (grabbing the man) Shut up.
Man: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bink had lobbed a cimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Arthur: (throwing the man down) Shut up, will you, SHUT UP!
Man: Aha! Now we see the violence inherent in the system!
Arthur: SHUT UP!
Man: (yelling to others) Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
Arthur: (letting go and walking away) Bloody peasant!
Man: Oh, what a giveaway! Did'j'ear that, did'j'ear that, eh? That's what I'm all about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?