Momento Monty Python - 5

Hoje convosco o sketch que tem sido considerado como o melhor de todos os tempos.

The Pet Shop

A costumer enters a Pet Shop.

Customer: Hello, miss.
Owner: What do you mean, miss?
Customer: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
Owner: We're closing for lunch.
Customer: Never mind that, lad. I wish to complain about this parrot that I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh, yes, the, uh, Norwegian Blue... what´s, uh, what´s wrong with it?
Customer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. He´s dead, that´s what´s wrong with it.
Owner: No, no, he´s, uh... he´s resting.
Customer: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I´m looking at one right now.
Owner: No, no, he´s not dead, he´s... he´s resting. Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn´t it? Beautiful plumage!
Customer: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: No, no, no, no, no, he´s resting!
Customer: All right, then. If he´s resting, I'll wake him up. (Shouting at the cage) Hello, Mister Polly Parrot. I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...
(Owner hits the cage)
Owner: There, he moved.
Customer: No, he didn't. That was you hitting the cage!
Owner: I never...
Customer: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Customer: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) HELLO, POLLY. Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call. (Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor) Now that´s what I call a dead parrot.
Owner: No, no, no, he´s stunned.
Customer: Stunned?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Customer: Um... now look... now look, mate. I've definitely had enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it, not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Owner: Well, he's... he's, uh... probably pining for the fjords.
Customer: Pining for the fjords? What king of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?
Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keeping on his back. Remarkable bird, isn't it, squire? Lovely plumage.
Customer: Look, I took the liberty of examinig that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered that the only reason why it had been sitting on his perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, of course it has been nailed there. If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent them apart with his beak, and voom.
Customer: Voom? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it.
Owner: He´s pining.
Customer: He´s not pining! He´s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He´s expired and gone to meet his maker! He´s a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He´s kicked the bucket! He´s shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and join the bleeding choir invisible! This is an Ex-Parrot!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (Takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry, squire, I've had a look around the back of the shop and we're right out of parrots.
Customer: I see, I see, I get the picture.
Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Customer: Pray, does it talk?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Customer: WELL, IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT THEN, ISN'T IT?
Owner: Well, I never wanted to do this in the first place, I wanted to be... a Lumberjack.